Expendable. That is what we have become. I imagine that every person has, at one time or another, felt expendable. Perhaps it was inter-personally, when discarded by a friend or lover. Maybe you felt similarly when dismissed by your eye-rolling adolescent child who deemed you lame, as they ran off to hang out with their friends. Or it may have been professionally, as you were passed over for promotion or denied a raise. Everyone has times in which they feel devalued.
But when you feel devalued by a large chunk of society, in addition to politicians and leaders, that is when you know you have really leveled up…or is it down?
Unless you have been residing under an incredibly large rock the last month, you have surely heard the urgent plea on the part of healthcare workers to be provided with adequate PPE (personal protective equipment). But what you might not have noticed is that the discourse surrounding this issue has been the following: “Please, for the love of all that is holy, give us adequate PPE so that we may avoid becoming ill, in order to continue taking care of patients.” Clearly this makes sense for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that we took an oath to help people. So anything that keeps us in the proverbial game, caring for people, is a necessity.
However, the part that seems to be flying under the radar is the subtle…or not-so-subtle….disregard for our own safety and wellbeing. It is as if our entire worth is contingent upon our ability to care for others. “Don’t let the doctors and nurses run out of PPE, or else there won’t be any doctors left to care for you should you get COVID19.” But what about the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, phlebotomists, care partners, etc. themselves? Is that all we are to society and politicians? When was our intrinsic worth dismissed by so many? And how did we miss the memo that we were being drafted into a war for which we lack both ammo and protection?
Please do not misunderstand me. Caring for patients is a privilege and an honor. It always has been, and it always will be. But the game has changed. Many of us have been exposed to infectious diseases throughout our career, often on a daily basis. Just last year I had to take prophylactic medication after being exposed to a patient with Pertussis (whooping cough), despite having been vaccinated for it and wearing a mask. I did this so that occupational health would allow me to keep working, so that I did not risk exposing my newborn patients who were not yet old enough to receive vaccination, and so that I did not risk exposing my fully vaccinated children, one of whom is high-risk. These are the types of calculated risks we take…the so-called “occupational hazards.” However, the thing that has allowed us to take these risks is knowing that we have appropriate protective equipment and protocols in place to keep both our patients and ourselves safe. We have received extensive training, the appropriate vaccinations and, in theory, we engage in sufficient self-care, consume a healthy diet, and get some degree of exercise and sleep. Hence, under typical circumstances, we should be able to keep ourselves as healthy as possible. For the sake of time and sanity, I will save discussion of physician self-care for another date/time. But my point is that previously, we were reasonably well-prepared.
Yet now many physicians and other healthcare workers find themselves begging and pleading for adequate protective equipment. When not engaged in that, many of us are imploring others to stay home in order to prevent the spread of COVID19, or lamenting the embarrassing lack of available testing. Then we may take a break to scour the internet searching for the latest information regarding treatment, prognosis, risk factors, etc. Yeah, I know we told you not to google health-related things. Have no fear, we aren’t googling. We are using Facebook groups (which have actually been extremely helpful in terms of disseminating clinical information). Trying to be an informed doctor during this pandemic is absolutely exhausting. It leaves little bandwidth for other things, such as reassuring our patients, reassuring our families and friends, wondering when and where we will find TP or eggs, and home-schooling our children.
With all that on our collective plates, what could possibly deplete us even further? The realization that our intrinsic worth is currently being devalued by a certain portion of the population. Obviously I can acknowledge the irony that most people who would read this blog represent the choir, to which I am currently preaching. Most of you are doing your part. You are staying home, you are washing your hands, you aren’t hoarding medical supplies, and many of you are helping those of us on the frontlines to crowd-source and otherwise fundraise PPE. You are helping flatten the curve and trying to help us respond to this pandemic. To all of you, we extend extreme gratitude. And to the hospitals and clinics, like my own, with administrators working to advocate on our behalf…we thank you as well.
But I would be inauthentic if I did not take this opportunity to remind some others out there, that we are so much more than just doctors or nurses, or front office staff, or phlebotomists, respiratory therapists, environmental service custodians…the list is lengthy. We are mothers and fathers, children, nieces, nephews, spouses, grandchildren, friends. If we become ill, or God forbid worse, we leave not only a hole in the front line of healthcare workers. We leave holes…permanent and unfillable voids….in the lives of our children, parents, spouses, and friends. And because my mind and heart cannot bear to consider it now, I will leave unsaid our silent fears about what happens if we bring this disease home to our loved-ones.
With this in mind, let the discourse at a societal level expand to include our own intrinsic value as people, not merely as servants. And while I still feel honored to serve, please acknowledge that we are so much more. Please protect us, because we deserve that protection. Forget the cape or superhuman strength….we will take a N95, face-shield, gown, and gloves.
The Least Interesting Thing 